I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
