There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
