The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
