Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you didnt know i had herpes?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
