yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
