Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
