Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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