There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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