I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
