I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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