Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
