Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize