I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
