dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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