using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
