he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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