Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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