every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
