So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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