i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
