And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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