Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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