Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
