guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
