why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
