The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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