my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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