i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
