She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
