He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
