I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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