this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
