I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
