My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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