He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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