just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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