I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
