i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
