Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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