What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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