you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
