I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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