apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
