I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
