Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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