no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
