last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
now i know why i became what i already was.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
