guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
