Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
