youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
