I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
