Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
