According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
