I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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