Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found puke in my bra..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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