Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
