Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
