What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
