A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
