he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i need to put some appletini on your dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
