whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
