Already got asked if we're dating
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
