Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
