i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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