can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
