ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
not ubering you a puppy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
