i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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