Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
