I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
