I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
