it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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