i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
