In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
