i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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