and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
